Monday, 29 August 2016
10 lessons by the age of 20
1. Every person is a complex thread, that we can't ever fully unravel without getting stuck in it as well.
2. The future doesn't exist, the past not anymore. There is only the uniqueness of the sensation known as "now", that goes by. At some time you will wonder where the that moment went, while you were planning the future.
3. We can't make people ours, only participate in each others lives.
4 . A degree is no garantuee for intellectualism. Nor is the absence of one a denial of intellectualism.
5. Experience is always more concrete and therefore more profound than the theory.
6. Everything is and can be described as it is. Nothing more. The rest is mere perspective.
7. You're less rational than you think. Adjusting rationality to emotions is common and only shows your inner desires.
8. Freedom is also the presence of the other person.
9. Having an ego can only cause misery.
10. Acceptance of an unchangeable situation and then adjustment is always better than forcing adjustment upon the situation.
Friday, 26 August 2016
Midnight Conversation at the Age of 20- V
Me: Having my mum is a privilege 23:35
Me: Never seen someone like us 23:35
Me: I feel blessed 23:35
You: You are 23:36
You: My parents are a mess 23:36
Me: I know 23:36
Me: I feel sad 23:36
You: Children in adults' body 23:36
Me: I wish you had better parents 23:36
Me: I wish ppl who can't raise kids wouldn't reproduce 23:36
You: Yes 23:37
Me: I'm sorry for you 23:37
Me: I wish I could change it somehow 23:37
You: You do change it 23:37
Me: Really? 23:37
You: Around you I feel different 23:38
Me: How so? 23:38
You: You help me and push me to self actualization 23:38
Me: Wow 23:38
Me: I'm very happy to hear that 23:38
Me: It's a high, having deep comversations, contemplating. 23:43
Me: A natural high. 23:43
You: Yes 23:43
Me: It feels better than any high. 23:43
You: True 23:43
Me: Because you're literally high. 23:43
Me: Elevated in that sense. 23:44
Me: Looking from above. 23:44
You: Absolutely 23:44
You: Solitude above the clouds 23:44
Me: Yes. 23:44
Me: Oddly enough though. 23:44
Me: I do not sense solitude anymore. 23:44
Me: I mistook it for solitude. Highness always seemed to imply distance. 23:44
Me: It's not distance 23:45
Me: It's deep understanding of your surrounding 23:45
You: As much as it is a sense of independence and freedom 23:45
Me: Exactly 23:45
Me: Independence. Well put, love. 23:45
Me: Understanding always implies coexistence. 23:46
Me: But I'm grateful for that. 23:46
Me: There's freedom in that. 23:46
Me: Liberation from frustration of ignorance or misunderstanding. 23:46
Me: You just have to let go of your ego. 23:47
You: That's the only way to feed it 23:47
Me: It? 23:47
You: Ego 23:47
Me: Ego. 23:48
You: I love myself by loving the world 23:48
You: It's not the goal when you do so 23:48
Me: Not mine at least. 23:48
Me: Mine is liberation. 23:48
Me: The eternal light of truth shining upon me 23:49
Me: That's what I want. 23:49
Me: I've wanted that since 16. 23:49
Me: Now I know it was what I thought I deserved. 23:49
You: Yes 23:51
You: How much has changed 23:51
You: You've grown up 23:51
Me: Yes 23:51
Me: Change 23:51
Me: I like it 23:51
You: Change is good 23:52
Me: I don't know 23:52
Me: It just is 23:52
Me: And I'm part of it 23:52
You: Yes 23:52
Me: I could've also not experienced life 23:52
Me: But here we are
Me: Feeling its absurdity 23:52
You: How noble 23:54
Me: Noble? 23:54
You: This is a highly esteemed purpose in life 23:54
You: I think it is noble 23:54
Me: I won't succeed 23:54
Me: I only have a life time. 23:55
You: It's not about succeeding 23:55
You: It's about how we live life 23:55
Me: Exactly 23:55
Me: I see it more as a manner for me to push myself towards being a more open minded, quiet, understanding, good intended philosopher 23:55
You: Do you think when we're 60 we'll be having a conversation about how stupid we are at this moment ? Maybe change leads us there some day 23:56
Me: No 23:56
Me: We won't ever call ourselves stupid. 23:56
You: It's funny to think about it 23:56
You: Yes not stupid 23:56
Me: I think we will laugh 23:56
You: But our thinking dynamically develops
23:56
Me: Yes 23:56
Me: But we will laugh nonetheless 23:56
You: We would definitely notice and laugh about the path we've gone since 23:56
Me: We won't get over the absurdity of life. The weird changes, the odd reactions we have to life encounters. 23:57
You: Life is absurd indeed 23:57
You: It's so beautiful 23:57
Thursday, 18 August 2016
Random Contemplations
What does it mean to be one? One, means to be undivided, to not have something before and after you, to be united in its completeness. It's one and therefore complete, because it cannot be divided into smaller. Something that is one can only be perceived from different angles, but that does not imply that those angles have separate and therefore divided ways of existence.
What is suffering? Is suffering not getting what you want? Is it constantly having an absence of pleasure or the lack of misery. Something in that direction, yes.
Can you use extreme suffering to cease your division. Is suffering the way to become one with whatever it is in this world in a metaphysical sense, that seems to be the underlying principles as to why things exist?
Maybe yes. At least, from my attempt to understand the way of becoming free through a form of self-destructing manner.
It appears that there is in the first place a form of indifference from the universe towards us. The world independent from us bases itself on the principles of either efficiency (evolutionary theory of reproduction) or indifference (lack of absolute morality/meaning etc.)
Standing in an open field, screaming at the sky for causing the difficulties you face in life, is an absurd scenario, yet interesting to investigate further.
What is it that moves us to become angry at the world in the first place? A self-proclaimed sense of justice, that has not been met by the world? Famine, war and lack of equality, where there should be? And then anger towards the world and the universe for the injustice it lets happening?
I find that thought quite fascinating and amusing. It seems to be the root of morality, the seed of faith. To see injustice, where there should be none. To see the gateways open towards hypocrisy, misery and greed, when there should be none of that. There is a call for something. Something eternally true and one.
It has to be there, yet if it’s not, maybe it’s us who’s not obeying its principles. Maybe there is something good out there, a higher form of justice, that we’re not noble enough to participate in.
What seems to be the logical implication? That we are rotten creatures, who are soiling our paths towards nirvana?
‘’Let us become free from these earthly chains by suffering. By becoming comfortably numb in our suffering, to be completely free from suffering. Only then, will we have transcended our earthly desires. Only then will we too be undivided and one.’’
I cannot recall which thinker it was, but I have to think of a saying he once quoted, that seems to reflect the human condition in these types of thoughts.
‘’We naturally move away from chaos, towards that which is rational and in balance. Therefore, we have instinctive love for that which is rational and in balance.’’ Not meaning that humans have the same definition of rationality and balance, but that everyone shares the common instinct of wanting to be organized in a certain. To have himself and his life composed according to the symphony he wants to play to the world.
I wonder what the drive is of wanting to be at peace with yourself and the universe. It at least carries the assumption that there is a possibility to connect mutually to the universe, meaning it has some form of existence or intellect that is adequate to that of a human. But besides that, even if the universe doesn’t respond or is indifferent to our existence, does that mean it’s impossible to connect to it?
I’ve experienced people who have failed to connect. It results in nihilism. A type of escapism. It’s screaming at the universe the first time to connect to it and when it fails, a second time to show your anger. If the universe is indifferent, then those who live their lives locked away at home in anger against the universe, are hilarious. What was there to expect? Do they not see that it doesn’t matter whether you get angry at it or not, it will continue ignoring you?
The second alternative is those who try to connect and think they’ve managed to do so. Are they running away from life? Do they dedicate themselves to a silent force, with the illusion of a connection being there? Is not like watching your own reflection in the see and then falling in love with who’s looking back? Adding something to the universe that’s not there, while it remains cold and indifferent? That too seems to be a type of escapism.
And then there’s accepting that perhaps talking to the sky will give you cold silence back. Does that cease are drive towards wanting to be want? Liberating ourselves and being at an undivided peace?
Perhaps there’s an alternative that can be found. An alternative in which you reverse the roles. In which nor complete atheism, nor complete deism are the correct answer. In which you stop having a dialogue from your perspective and instead let the universe become a talking mirror. Staring into it, letting it give you the impressions it does, showing its perfect indifference when you are staring into the sunset, looking at the rotations the world makes, and experiencing how indifferent it is to your bad mood. Looking at the flowers and animals who seem to be endlessly reproducing, independently from what you think of it.
Instead perhaps, that might cause a spark in which we should stop talking to the universe or about the universe and instead accept its stoic behavior. Its indifference is an open playing field in which we can create. Nothing has to be, many things can be. And then ask ourselves from the standpoint of the universe, what is it then that we are actually doing? And what does it mean to us? Instead of, what does it mean to the universe and therefore, ourselves? It keeps existing, it keeps carrying on and rotating. In its perfect nature, it keeps being. It's one, undivided in its existence and its indifference.
In the silence of mere impressions, perhaps eternity can be found.
What is suffering? Is suffering not getting what you want? Is it constantly having an absence of pleasure or the lack of misery. Something in that direction, yes.
Can you use extreme suffering to cease your division. Is suffering the way to become one with whatever it is in this world in a metaphysical sense, that seems to be the underlying principles as to why things exist?
Maybe yes. At least, from my attempt to understand the way of becoming free through a form of self-destructing manner.
It appears that there is in the first place a form of indifference from the universe towards us. The world independent from us bases itself on the principles of either efficiency (evolutionary theory of reproduction) or indifference (lack of absolute morality/meaning etc.)
Standing in an open field, screaming at the sky for causing the difficulties you face in life, is an absurd scenario, yet interesting to investigate further.
What is it that moves us to become angry at the world in the first place? A self-proclaimed sense of justice, that has not been met by the world? Famine, war and lack of equality, where there should be? And then anger towards the world and the universe for the injustice it lets happening?
I find that thought quite fascinating and amusing. It seems to be the root of morality, the seed of faith. To see injustice, where there should be none. To see the gateways open towards hypocrisy, misery and greed, when there should be none of that. There is a call for something. Something eternally true and one.
It has to be there, yet if it’s not, maybe it’s us who’s not obeying its principles. Maybe there is something good out there, a higher form of justice, that we’re not noble enough to participate in.
What seems to be the logical implication? That we are rotten creatures, who are soiling our paths towards nirvana?
‘’Let us become free from these earthly chains by suffering. By becoming comfortably numb in our suffering, to be completely free from suffering. Only then, will we have transcended our earthly desires. Only then will we too be undivided and one.’’
I cannot recall which thinker it was, but I have to think of a saying he once quoted, that seems to reflect the human condition in these types of thoughts.
‘’We naturally move away from chaos, towards that which is rational and in balance. Therefore, we have instinctive love for that which is rational and in balance.’’ Not meaning that humans have the same definition of rationality and balance, but that everyone shares the common instinct of wanting to be organized in a certain. To have himself and his life composed according to the symphony he wants to play to the world.
I wonder what the drive is of wanting to be at peace with yourself and the universe. It at least carries the assumption that there is a possibility to connect mutually to the universe, meaning it has some form of existence or intellect that is adequate to that of a human. But besides that, even if the universe doesn’t respond or is indifferent to our existence, does that mean it’s impossible to connect to it?
I’ve experienced people who have failed to connect. It results in nihilism. A type of escapism. It’s screaming at the universe the first time to connect to it and when it fails, a second time to show your anger. If the universe is indifferent, then those who live their lives locked away at home in anger against the universe, are hilarious. What was there to expect? Do they not see that it doesn’t matter whether you get angry at it or not, it will continue ignoring you?
The second alternative is those who try to connect and think they’ve managed to do so. Are they running away from life? Do they dedicate themselves to a silent force, with the illusion of a connection being there? Is not like watching your own reflection in the see and then falling in love with who’s looking back? Adding something to the universe that’s not there, while it remains cold and indifferent? That too seems to be a type of escapism.
And then there’s accepting that perhaps talking to the sky will give you cold silence back. Does that cease are drive towards wanting to be want? Liberating ourselves and being at an undivided peace?
Perhaps there’s an alternative that can be found. An alternative in which you reverse the roles. In which nor complete atheism, nor complete deism are the correct answer. In which you stop having a dialogue from your perspective and instead let the universe become a talking mirror. Staring into it, letting it give you the impressions it does, showing its perfect indifference when you are staring into the sunset, looking at the rotations the world makes, and experiencing how indifferent it is to your bad mood. Looking at the flowers and animals who seem to be endlessly reproducing, independently from what you think of it.
Instead perhaps, that might cause a spark in which we should stop talking to the universe or about the universe and instead accept its stoic behavior. Its indifference is an open playing field in which we can create. Nothing has to be, many things can be. And then ask ourselves from the standpoint of the universe, what is it then that we are actually doing? And what does it mean to us? Instead of, what does it mean to the universe and therefore, ourselves? It keeps existing, it keeps carrying on and rotating. In its perfect nature, it keeps being. It's one, undivided in its existence and its indifference.
In the silence of mere impressions, perhaps eternity can be found.
Wednesday, 3 August 2016
Midnight Conversation At 19-IV
Me: All right 02:39
Me: I can't sleep 02:44
You: Give it time 02:45
You: This dream stirred you up 02:45
Me: I'm not myself lately 02:45
You: In what way ? 02:45
Me: I don't know 02:45
Me: I wonder what has happened 02:45
Me: If I'm different 02:46
Me: Or just got confronted with the real me 02:46
You: You are developing as a person. It's a phase of self discovery so I guess you are still figuring this out 02:46
Me: Developing? 02:47
Me: Shouldn't it be over? Puberty, childhood. 02:47
Me: I wonder if I'm going forward or just am gonna remain like this. 02:47
Me: I feel like I've not grown up. 02:47
You: Well you have experienced so many things for the first time lately 02:47
Me: Yes 02:48
Me: This year was wild 02:48
Me: I felt young 02:48
Me: I thought I was prepared last year. 02:48
Me: That I was more grown up than everyone 02:48
You: You went from mature to young again to experience all those things 02:49
Me: But it's confronting. I experienced parties, getting drunk, being in love, jealous out of all things. Me: Something I never thought I would feel. 02:49
Me: I finally understand what lust is, why feelings are complex when you're in it. 02:50
You: Yes 02:50
Me: I'm just human. I thought I stood above this 02:51
You: To be wise is to know that you're not 02:51
You: Only then you truly stand above 02:51
You: Yes of course it feels good 02:52
Me: But also, where is the old me? I try to find it by dressing the way I did. I wear black, I smoke, I try to be the old me. I try to be cold to others and emotional in myself, I try to be deep and distant. I try to not care about the humane, yet I can't. 02:53
You: Don't force it 02:53
You: It will come when you're ready 02:53
You: Right now enjoy your life 02:54
Me: I'll try. 02:54
Me: But it seems happiness comes with its side effects 02:54
You: Sure 02:54
Me: Love seems to come with jealousy, friendship with fear of loss, college with possible failure, development with possible shame 02:55
You: You know, Sara 02:57
You: I actually enjoy talking to the old you better (maybe because I was used to it), but I'm glad that you are going through all of this because I am seeing you being yourself and having enjoyable, interesting and intriguing life experiences. This is important. I'm glad and happy for you. 02:58
Me: I'm sure I'm still like that. Maybe I just have forgotten. 03:02
Monday, 1 August 2016
Depth
in this endless ocean of comfort,
in depth and need am I the one who can give you the lead
in this endless ocean of shush and fear
am I the one you will always have near
in this endless ocean of bitter joy, all alone
you will lift my veil, and remove my gown
take my hand, we shall drop our stone
for it is in conversation, that we will drown
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